I am an American who is not an American. My skin is too brown, my body too female and fat, and I cannot and will not occupy the space that amerikkka tries to coerce me into occupying to belong. I cannot neutralize my physicality enough to make whiteness comfortable with my presence and I no longer try. The truth of my existence here is apparent – I will never belong, and I am only mildly tolerable when I perform the roles white patriarchy dictates. And that is not who I choose to be.